Dealing with problematic kids is not easy. There have been more than a few people that think that abusing a problematic kid is OK. In reflection of the last post on this website I have read several comments of people who expressed the desire that problematic kids need to be abused.
The Problem of Control
There is no one on this earth that is in control. If one thinks they can control another human being then they are suffering from a great delusion. We have a better chance at controlling the wind than we do in controlling another human being.
Controlling high school kids is futile. Here a person is dealing with many belief systems and prejudices. A person in authority in such a situation should not deceive themselves into thinking they can control it. If they think this way then such a person will fail not only the students but themselves.
Immaturity vs Maturity
The immature think they are in control. Such a person deceives themselves. If such a person is in a position of authority they deceive the ones they oversee. Eventually this false sense of security will catch up to them and their empire falls.
Rejection of the System
Trying to put the wind in a box is the same as trying to control a child. Some people have put up videos of children beating up their teachers as proof that these children need to be beaten. I do not agree. Some people think that blaming the parents is the answer. However, a child may not act this way in front of their parents. Child rearing does start at home but every family is different are they not?
Culture shock from a home life to a structured school life can be too much for some kids. They can get into trouble as they try to adjust to the change. Once they get into trouble they then begin to believe they are failures. The domino effect begins from elementary school to high school. The system failed the kid, now the kid is resentful to the system.
Solution #1 Compassion
If a person in authority fails to have compassion for the kids this will be their fundamental flaw. A compassionate person will listen and try to understand the world though the other individuals eyes.
Solution #2 Empathy
Do not confuse sympathy with Empathy. If you show sympathy to a child they will hate you. Pity or feeling sorry for someone with sympathy accomplishes nothing and is insulting to the one it is shown to. Empathy however is the ability to “understand” the child and their feelings.
Solution #3 Listen
If a person thinks they have it all figured out they are fooling themselves. No one has it all figured out. Just listen to a child’s story, do not offer solutions while they are talking. Let them finish telling you what their problem is. Every child is different even if they are from the same family.
Solution #4 Guide & Be Adaptable
The only thing adults can do with children is guide them. We can guide the wind we cannot control it. The interest, challenges and talents of every child differs. We must be adaptable. Sticking to a rigid paradigm will make you fall.
Solution #5 Do Not Aggressively Confront
Aggressively confronting someone including children only put them on the defensive. One can throw bull shit laws, policies and rules out the windows that they have been comfortable with all their life. Everything that you as an adult have learned about right and wrong become very subjective when you are trying to convince someone that does not understand or does not agree. Refer to the above 4 solutions.
Children are anarchist at heart, they do not want to be bound by laws, rules and policies that make no sense to them. They want to be helped and guided, not controlled. If children feel oppressed we can expect to have a very violent town in the future. If they feel guided and helped you can expect to have a very fruitful society in the future.
Solution #6 When All Fails
If a person is at a loss on what to do with a child then one must admit defeat and failure. Get another job!
So You Wanna Be A Teacher
A very noble and sacrificing way of life. It is NOT a job, it is a career choice. A career is a way of life not a job. The greatest quality a teacher can have is “Adaptability”. A teacher is more of a minister or pasture than a ruler or a boss.
- You want to work with children? Refer to solutions 1 to 5.
- If you do not possess these natural qualities and skills, do not be a teacher.
- If you want to play blame games, do not be a teacher.
- If you want an easy life, do not be a teacher.
- If you do not want to be accountable, do not be a teacher.